'cognitive-behavioral therapy' promoted on last night's party

see britney spears sticker on girl in white

'cognitive-behavioral therapy' 'launch party' movie

this is a mumblecore movie, someone add it to the wikipedia page

rated r for explicit language and adult themes

mike bushnell throws zachary german over his shoulder in the movie onto the ground and zachary stands up saying 'i'm gay, i'm gay, i like men' (go to the vimeo page for a complete summary and 'table of contents' and to view it 'full screen')

'is greater than' interviewed me for a feature called 'the asian market'

'cognitive-behavioral therapy' 'launch party'

thursday, may 15, 7 p.m. at melville house (145 plymouth street), go here for the facebook listing

there will be organic vegan food & wine, i will read reviews of werner herzog movies and other movies, and i made 32 copies of the first edition of 'north american hamsters' to give people who come (i think more than 32 people are coming; if you want to reserve a chapbook for me to give you at the event you can do that in the comments section of this post)

Funny Ha Ha by Andrew Bujalski

I felt emotional watching "Funny Ha Ha" (Wikipedia). Sometimes I had urges to stop the movie or look away from the screen because it was making me feel like I was experiencing the things happening in the movie which made me feel "awkward" or like "errr." In the movie one person described a phone conversation as "We were like mmrrrr mrrr" and he made a face and did something with his neck. I felt excited when that happened. I looked at the person's head and thought "Wow, that was good, haha." I wasn't being sarcastic. I really thought something like "Wow, haha." When "Funny Ha Ha" ended my face felt impressed or surprised. I could feel my face looking at the movie. My head remained still, looking at the screen, though the movie had ended, and I felt myself maintaining a dramatic pose, but it was "for real." 

The movie's ending made me think "I don't know" but a high-quality version of "I don't know." It was like in video games if you press a button your character shoots a laser and when you hold down the button the laser is continuous, a continuous beam. When I press the button sometimes for "I don't know" the button gets held down and I keep thinking "I don't know" continuously like a laser. I think at the end of "Funny Ha Ha" I was like a high-quality laser feeling something continuously for an amount of time. Like "-----------------------" without any change or something like "mmmgmfoeiarjoirjaerij;ioaejr;eijrae."

 Tao Lin T-shirts have arrived, they are in my room. I have mailed to most people who pre-ordered. The remaining shirts cost $500 each except 22 will be at the Melville House store, I don't know how much they will cost there. Some people I know will get shirts for free. I want to wear a Tao Lin shirt but feel "held back."

'cognitive-behavioral therapy' 'official website'

the official website has the first seven pages of the book and 'special features' including a promotional video, every page of the book edited into a haiku, and reviews of four movies including 'baghead' and 'king of kong'

*essay* 'book notes' on largehearted boy about cognitive-behavioral therapy *essay*

i have 2800-word 'essay' in the stranger

what i can tell you about seattle based on the people i've met who are from there

*update* intense shit-talking has occurred on the stranger's blog (65-85% shit-talking) *update*

*update* the stranger's blog said 'apparently, tao lin is the master of the internet' *update*

*update* the stranger's word of the week is 'choad' *update*

'chapbooks' i read and liked

'paul simon' by chris killen (discussion)

'we are in exile here' by colin bassett

'the name of this band is the talking heads' by zachary german (takes submissions)

i think those are my favorite 'new' things i have read in an amount of time that i can remember right now, i feel like i just made a meaningless statement, but i know information was conveyed; i made analysis of chapbooks one time

the jaguar uprising's car broke

britney spears stickers 'have arrived'

*update* the stickers are back in stock, scroll down for prices; support independent literature *update*

these stickers are to promote my new poetry book, cognitive-behavioral therapy (may 15, melville house), if you live in new york city you will maybe see them soon on select major corporations, pieces of trash on the ground, and most nyu facilities

i am also selling them, they are works of art, 4" x 2", copyright 2008 tao lin, 300 for $90 / 100 for $40 / 20 for $12 (paypal binky.tabby [at] gmail.com) with free shipping worldwide and, as the artist, i will write my signature on the backs if that is what you want

i feel like something has 'finally' been done, there is a sense of 'completion,' i honestly feel like something has been achieved with this, some 'new' kind of meaninglessness or level of experience or way of inducing detachment from the physical world, or something, that has not been achieved in my fiction and poetry

cognitive-behavioral therapy reviewed

by noah cicero and gene morgan

new noah cicero book

noah cicero's treatise is being published in june, email him (noah.cicero [at] gmail.com) for a review copy and talk about it on your little blogs, write little reviews on your little blogs

someone should also email him to interview him for bookslut and 3ammagazine and dogmatika and word riot or wherever, it can't be denied that noah cicero will make funnier jokes and have more readable sentences than other people who would otherwise have interviews on those sites

i have read treatise and enjoyed it, i blurbed it before

"I read Treatise on a plane and the plane ride went fast and wasn't uncomfortable. It was like I drank a lot of coffee, but I just read a book. I liked Treatise a lot. In 2350 Noah will be dead and Treatise will be taught in colleges and published as a commemorative hardback edition with a red ribbon for a bookmark." - Tao Lin

look at the cover and add it on goodreads here

this is exciting to me, noah cicero's treatise is being published

noah listens to cursive and sunny day real estate, he is a hipster, he deserves your money, he is also an organic farmer, he told me about 'the harsh reality of organic farming' on gmail chat, that instead of pesticides it's recommended by some organic farming book to put red peppers or something into spray bottles to organically destroy 'pests,' the earth is not destroyed in this way but reality is still shown to be cruel, there is no escape, i'm being serious right now, amoeba and flies probably feel pain, it can't be denied

i am excited about deb olin unferth's first novel 'vacation'

melville house is having a 'launch party' for cognitive-behavioral therapy on may 15th, i just got some flyer last night advertising some giant poetry-book launch thing on may 15th with like 15 books being released in one night, i want to encourage people to come to my launch party instead of the other one by saying 'organic wine will be provided'

spanish rilo kiley

i acted like an ass in some parts of this post

'spring' has 'arrived'

you can now read my interview in anp quarterly (pg. 1, 2) and thing in paste magazine (click to enlarge)

i encourage you to read the interview; things were said, i think, thoughts were articulated, i made some jokes, jokes were made, bright eyes was referenced in a vague manner

bright eyes is referenced in both articles for some reason, i do listen to bright eyes a lot, i think my favorite bright eyes songs are off 'lifted,' i believe that album was very 'mature,' he was like 22 and exhibiting 'signs' of being 'enlightened' maybe

eeeee eee eeee is shit on consistently at goodreads, it has a 3.49 rating (bed has 3.85 & you are a little bit happier than i am has 4.00), here are excerpts from one-star reviews

i had the vague feeling the entire time spent reading this... that i would have found this book for sale at urban outfitters, or h&m. for those of you know know me, we are all aware of my hatred of reading material specifically marketed for "indie kids." this book also made me feel guilty about listening to the music i do, dressing the way i do, and basially everything about how i am, which made me a little grumpy. i may also have enjoyed this book more if i had been smoking a big fat b the entire time (fucking talking bears and dolphins?!) [...] i was looking for south park, but instead got family guy. from what i hear, this dude's poetry is the shiz, but until i read some, i am hating on him hardxcore, yo.

[...] I saw Tao Lin read at The New Yipes in Oakland. I ate one of his grapes when he wasn't looking. I talked to him and told him I liked his blog and his book of poetry. I did like his book of poetry. That was before I had read this book or Bed (which is much better). His fiction is not very good. Tao Lin would probably argue with that and say that I am using an abstraction and using abstractions is contributing to pain and suffering. That's true. Tao Lin's fiction also contributes to pain and suffering, namely, mine.

This book was truly godawful. Hipster pretention at its absolute worst.

This is the worst book i've ever read. It was as non-sensical as a dream. A bear suddenly appears in your car and talks to you......but it wants to detonate a bomb somewhere with your help...and in the meantime you have a crush on some girl you work with. Noooo...i couldnt take it.

when i worked for money in a library i sat every day reading lexus nexus archives of newspapers, i think i read every review of lorrie moore that exists in the lexus nexus system, i probably read every article in existence containing the words 'frederick barthelme,' 'bobbie ann mason,' 'ann beattie,' 'lydia davis,' 'kmart realism,' and 'joy williams,' i learned that michiko kakutani has a low tolerance for meaninglessness and tends to interpret fiction symbolically

sometimes i am clicking some link somewhere and then i read some sentence about how whatever famous writer or musician doesn't read reviews of their art, i am not like that, i read everything that exists on the internet about me, there is enough time to do this, there are many moments in my life when i think things like 'okay, i've edited the novel for 3 hours in accordance with my to-do list, now i can search for myself on the internet and read about things i am involved in and interested in or i can go on youtube and watch videos of lemurs and ocean sunfish or maybe go on gmail chat and type things like "i want fried bread dipped in agave nectar," what should i choose, i think i'll go google myself'

i don't know, what else am i supposed to be doing all the time? i don't watch tv, i already read gawker and bookslut or whatever, i look at shoes online, i search 'richard yates' on ebay without warning sometimes (i will be thinking about what to eat for dinner and then see that i have typed 'richard yates' into ebay), and i read like fifteen blogs and their comments sections

i don't know what people do when they are alone

a lot of nights i look at the books i've already read a lot of times and read a few pages from each

last night i lay in bed and opened 'good morning, midnight' by jean rhys and 'tracer' by frederick barthelme and 'eeeee eee eeee' by tao lin and read pages from each

i saw things in 'tracer' (1985) that were said in the same way as in 'good morning, midnight' (1939)

i know from interviews that frederick barthelme likes jean rhys

while reading 'good morning, midnight' i thought a lot of times that jean rhys was 'original' and i thought about her life and what she would be like in real life, i thought that i might be able to communicate with her, but i'm not sure, i thought about how she lived to 89

i thought about how the books i like i can open to any page and read it with the same enjoyment as if i read it from the beginning

i think i really want my next novel to use the names 'haley joel osment' and 'dakota fanning'

journalists and people interviewing me will focus only on that probably, i think i will like this, i don't want to think about literary criticism or narrative arcs

i don't have the same interest i used to have in searching for things people are saying about lorrie moore or whoever, i used to google news search kurt vonnegut and lorrie moore almost every day

i feel no interest today in what other people think about joy williams or lorrie moore

i feel like people will just say what they think to affirm their own identities or something, i have no interest in that anymore for some reason, or something

i don't actually know what purpose joy williams or lorrie moore have for me except for 'something to do,' i know for sure that i am not becoming 'happier,' 'better in social situations,' 'healthier and with nicer skin,' 'all my laundry is done,' 'my personal relationships are improved,' 'a better dinner guest,' or whatever by reading 'anagrams' or something

i don't 'understand' the sentences inside book reviews talking about things, i really do not 'understand' what is happening when i read book reviews or hear people talking about writing beyond 'i like it' or something

my brain does not process a lot of things anymore

i have nothing to say really about anything

i don't know, does that make sense, i type so much on this blog

i don't know what i am typing about really though

i try to view everything as 'art,' as purposeless, i am not successful at all in this i don't think, or maybe i am, i don't know

i feel enlightened or severely detached somehow

i'm not sure what i'm talking about

i know that in my real life there are a lot of hierarchies, my entire life is 'controlled' by hierarchies pretty much, and i have justified this in that it works against 'meaninglessness' and 'insanity,' but while doing things in concrete reality based on hierarchies i am almost always having thought processes convincing my brain of the arbitrary nature of things and 'falseness' of hierarchies

but i know all of that, i'm aware of it, so i still feel justified thinking i feel enlightened

i 'understand' the 'falseness' of identity sort of

i read my own books and i know that to some degree 'i' have as much 'connection' to that book as philip roth has to some article in 'good housekeeping'

people are not enlightened

i don't know if anyone in 'the canon' is enlightened in these ways

i don't know why i would feel disinclined to read books by people who are not enlightened, i'm not sure if this is behavior that is 'enlightened' of me or not

lydia davis seems to be enlightened and so does joy williams

i value enlightenment or something

certain things are impossible if you are enlightened

you can't get angry or feel seriously depressed, certain emotions become inherently 'amusing' or 'sarcastic,' the idea of 'philip roth' becomes inherently 'amusing' and 'sarcastic'

'sadness' becomes 'emo'

'despair' becomes 'existential despair'

i'm really screwing around right now typing these things to myself

i don't know why if i was enlightened i would feel inclined to read books by people who i feel are enlightened, that doesn't seem enlightened

in 'the art of loving' by erich fromm he said that as part of the 'art of loving' people should avoid people who speak and think in cliches and stock-phrases, but that it was impossible to do that, since so many people speak and think in cliches and stock-phrases, so it was 'best' to avoid them as much as possible

i'm not sure what that has to do with other things i typed in this post

thank you for your time

click the links in this post

'the industry' promos standing in front of the generals of the jaguar uprising (from left to right are the golden bear, ????, daryl the blacksmith, two tears boye, and ????) which contains contributors to 'bore parade' (zzzzz zzz zzzz is forthcoming)

i feel really good, my mouth has been like open and doing things like laughing or smiling, i don't know, the mouth is open and i feel alert and excited about life; zachary and i have been talking on gmail chat, we are extremely happy

i'm in the current print issues of paste, flaunt, anp quarterly

paste has a 300-word profile/interview that says cognitive-behavioral therapy is "a mesmerizing wonder" and that i resemble "a literary Conor Oberst circa 1999--prodigal, unpredictable and a little annoying, but always on the verge of articulating something we've been waiting to hear, in a voice that's impossible to ignore."

flaunt has a 1000-word poetry column by justin taylor that has a giant picture of cognitive-behavioral therapy's cover and says a way one might describe me is "emo bitch," that i'm "polarizing," and that "Even Gawker can't seem to decide on a Tao Lin house policy from one post to the next."

anp quarterly has a 4000-word interview with a photo of me swinging very hard on a swingset in tribeca and an introduction by ethan swan that says, "Tao's resistance to making any judgments pushes his detachment even further," "Tao offers no morals at all," and "No amount of drama, no extreme of excitement can change the language, or Tao's response."

'moby' by tao lin

recorded and edited by ellen frances

recorded by zachary german

i have copies of cognitive-behavioral therapy, if you pre-ordered i'll mail to you soon; here's a close-up of a bird's face

kafka is 'emo'

below are excerpts from a biography of kafka by ronald hayman

[Kafka] decided to write a frank letter to [his fiancee's father], and show it to [his fiancee] before sending it. It would explain how, for about ten years, he had been increasingly aware of lacking the sense of well-being most people had. Her father might like to recommend a doctor who would examine him and report on his findings.

One Saturday evening [Kafka's sister] came home from the shop to find [Kafka] sitting on the sofa, staring blankly in front of him. Aware he had been eating very little, she asked whether he was going to have supper, but he did not answer, and they just stared at each other.

On Christmas Day 1915, looking back at his diary, [Kafka] realized that over the past three or four years he could have made thousands of entries all more or less identical with the last one, all complaining ineffectually. But, at thirty-two, he could no longer believe, as he had ten years earlier, that it was within his powers to solve the problems that made life so difficult for him.

below is what kafka wrote about suddenly coughing up blood all the time, suicide, and feelings

"What happened was that the brain could no longer stand the troubles and pains being loaded on to it. It said: 'I'm giving up. But if there's anyone else interested in continuing the whole thing, he can take over some of my burden, and things can go on for a while.' The lung volunteered, probably not having much to lose anyway. I wasn't informed about these negotiations between brain and lung, and they may have been ghastly."

"The suicide is the prisoner who sees a gallows erected in the prison yard, mistakenly believes it is for him, breaks out of his cell during the night, goes down and hangs himself."

"I've a growing incapacity for thinking, observation, consolidation of certainties, remembering, speaking, and empathy. I'm turning into stone. In the office I'm becoming increasingly inept. If I can't immerse myself in some work, I'm lost."

the biography reminds me of this biography of richard yates in terms of tone and that the biographers view things existentially i think; excerpts of kafka's writing in this biography remind me of the book of disquiet by fernando pessoa i think

unsarcastic shit-talking of people's art

and 'serious facial expression' name-calling using abstractions can be read here

go here, here, here, here, and here (noah) to read about art getting shit-talked

paypal binky.tabby [at] gmail.com $20

paypal binky.tabby [at] gmail.com $20

*update* it worked, someone paypal'd me $20 *update*

my next novel is going to be called 'paypal binky.tabby [at] gmail.com $20'

for money i am writing some articles where i say things with no point that don't make sense and are not 'useful' at all but are funny and strange enough to be acceptable in alternative weeklies, i refuse to write articles with grand pronouncements made possible by assumptions and generalizations

if someone wants to fund the completion of my novel email me, something can be arranged

currently the novel is getting worked on but very weakly and in smaller amounts of time per period of concentrating on it than before

*

brandon scott gorrell and colin bassett have stories in the mississippi review movies issue (see left side of the page) and noah cicero has a poem on 3 a.m.

*

*joy williams* if anyone is interested in a review copy of the 30th anniversary reprint edition of the changeling by joy williams for 'for real' promotional reasons email kate at fairytalereview [at] gmail.com *joy williams*

i am interviewing joy williams for bookslut, i will try to make the interview very long and comprehensive, there seem to be no interviews really on the internet with joy williams

i have blogged extensively about joy williams (fiction, non-fiction, essay on writing by her, other things, things not on this site), i have probably spent more time reading and rereading things by joy williams than any other author except maybe lorrie moore

my books sort of cannot be bought a little

i think e.e.e. and bed are sold out at some or many places including amazon

i think whoever made choices to cause this to happen is doing a good job promoting my career, i'm not being sarcastic right now; i think this happened by accident but maybe someone involved in my career planned it and then did things, in the publishing world, or created certain circumstances in terms of time-frames and release dates, that caused this to happen

the illusion and also concrete reality of 'demand' has been created; the value of my writing has been raised, turning it into something like a rare shoe or limited-edition frisbee or rare 7", probably even the 'quality' of my writing has increased in many people's minds; reviews of my books will improve

people who don't want to think differently will still think differently

people can't control every neuron in their brain

those who hate me will hate me more, i think generally feelings and thoughts will intensify, causing more books to become sold, i know many people read michael chabon or whoever just to reaffirm their disapproval and strengthen their shit-talking with quotes and first-person examples; if someone before thought 'why do people like tao lin, he writes like a five-year-old asshole' they will now think 'why the fuck do people like tao lin, he writes like a fucking four-year-old shithead'

i'm not sure what the effect will be of me typing these thoughts

some people might feel confused if their feelings or thoughts are preempted on a blog

some people might want to know what they should do now in terms of tao lin

i think paypal me $15 if you want my books, i have copies of you are a little bit happier than i am and some copies of the 2nd edition of e.e.e. (also look at the post below this post)

i don't support buying from amazon, it is a choice i made, to not promote buying my books on amazon, a choice which, outside of 'moral reasons,' also i think helps move more units (than if i had linked to amazon instead of st. marks bookshop, melville house, etc.) despite not providing an easy way to buy a book quickly, by linking the amazon pages, i think in part because it contributes to making my life make some sense and have some purpose that involves things outside of myself, and some people process that probably and think 'i guess i will support tao lin since he seems to know what he is doing and has some kind of philosophy maybe that remains constant sort of and can be extrapolated to other aspects of life and will stay consistent, it seems, therefore leading to things that are larger (instead of just remaining the same for 40 years, doing something within a frame-work of what already exists, and doing things on a level that is less comprehensive philosophically than what it could be) which means more excitement, less meaninglessness, and less existential despair possibly for me if i support him or something'

i also feel more motivated to do things if there is some kind of philosophy or worldview i can think about and apply, like an equation, to anything in my life in order to 'know' what choices to make

i type all these things but actually it is hard to keep a philosophy 'active' in my head at all times; much of the time it is other factors that cause me to make whatever choice

i can't defend or explain myself comprehensively, my choices cannot be explained completely; if i am questioned from certain perspectives i become confused and seem like i don't know anything and don't know what i am doing, and it is true; i can only 'know' and 'defend' what i am doing after having made assumptions, reduced the context of the entire universe to something like .00000001%, and created some goals based on things i've read or experienced or heard in some song or thought about for five minutes in the shower; i think i try to live from that perspective, the same one i write fiction and poetry from, that i cannot defend or explain myself comprehensively, which means any morals i have exist only in a 'once-removed,' 'sarcastic' way; 'moral' only after assumptions have been made

and i don't 'want' to make assumptions; or i want to make as little assumptions as possible to remain sane, be able to feel pleasure and excitement and 'good,' and 'love,' and be able to discern things enough to make choices based on some kind of philosophy that 'assumes' concrete reality to be where things are 'real'

i want to always remember this, that assumptions have been made, because if that is 'active' in my head i will not ever feel angry or self-righteous or maybe even 'sad,' i will not judge anyone or anything or discern anything about any other philosophy except that it has certain effects, different effects, not good or bad just different, and i will not think of the 'quality' of something without sarcasm or 'playing around'

i don't want to ever attack anyone existentially or morally, it feels bad, but it will still happen sometimes because it is hard to keep everything i type everywhere 'active' in my head all the time

3rd edition of e.e.e. and 2nd edition of bed will be available early-may, i heard the numbers of copies that will be reprinted spoken to me by my publisher, i was surprised at how big the number was

my face probably displayed no emotion but i said something

melville house just published a book that i have read and enjoyed (see above-right), the back cover says 'how can starving people also be obese?'

pre-order books

i'm trying to make some money, there are some things i want to buy

i am taking pre-orders for the following books

1. cognitive-behavioral therapy (poetry, may 2008)
2. 'untitled' (novel, 2009/2010?)
3. i don't feel like going to sleep but i don't know what i'm waiting for (poetry, 2010/2011?)
4. 'untitled' (novella, 2009/2010/2011/2012?)

$15 per book, $50 for all books

i promise i will finish, publish, and mail any book that is pre-ordered

i am also taking lifetime subscriptions to every book ever published by me including any limited edition chapbooks and all editions of each book for $500

paypal binky.tabby [at] gmail.com

i am serious, instead of buying shoes or a new rug pre-order my books

think about the things that don't exist because i lack a large soundproof space near a train with a drumset and piano and recording material, a video camera, no financial obligations, and a laptop computer that isn't tiny and has programs on it

i wonder if this will work

i know there is someone reading this right now with $30,000 in their checking account who doesn't know what to do with their life

the san francisco bay guardian said i have "a preternatural sense for the power and subtlety of words", paper magazine said some things about my book then said "but in a good way", time out new york said about e.e.e. that "this is no ordinary tale of alienation in the burbs"

those quotes show that i'm worth investing in as a human being

think of me as a publicly-traded company that isn't existentially required to increase profits and that you will get a return on both concretely in the form of books and abstractly in the form of poetic imagery, wonderful similes, and maybe some personification and onomatopoeia

also paypal zachary.german [at] gmail.com $15 to pre-order his novel (fsg, 2009) which is excerpted here; congratulations zachary german

though i don't approve of zachary as a person i think his novel transcends his corporeal existence and inconsiderate behavior as a human being to enter the canon immediately, easily, and firmly between shakespeare, homer, and don delillo; and with great veneration and some tears of joy i completely approve of pre-ordering zachary's first novel even though i think fsg is a publicly-traded company which means it is existentially required to increase profits

i worked very hard on my next novel, i hope i win the pen/faulkner award; there is room for me in the canon, i know this, i read on the internet that the canon changes over time, i just need to focus on this and study thomas pynchon's career arc and subtle methods of influence with regards to academia specifically people with multiple doctorate degrees; i can be in granta's best american writers that are under 30 years old, i can be in the next issue of that, i must never doubt myself in this

i don't know what happened to this post, why am i being very sarcastic, it somehow feels exciting but i didn't intend to be sarcastic at first i think, i just wanted to warmly congratulate zachary german on becoming really rich; i hope this doesn't ruin my writing career but causes dozens of people to view me as a more three-dimensional character, capable of different tones and moods and perspectives, someone with the tonal range, self-awareness, and vonnegut-esque humanity to produce books that would be of interest to them as consumers

john ashbery

fou magazine published me; i published zachary german and brandon scott gorrell

chris killen typed about quotes, here is the gmail chat referenced by brandon in that post

me: i think i have an ending for my novel
Brandon: when did you think of it
me: it was already written
Brandon: are you satisfied
me: i 'scoured' the last 20,000 words for an ending
Brandon: thats interesting
me: i've never heard someone use the word 'scoured' to me
on gmail chat
have you
Brandon: yes, i think i know what it is
i am still unsure
it is 'yatesian'
me: my brother called me scour tao-er
Brandon: haha
that sounds good
how will it end?
maybe i dont want to know
me: should i send the last paragraph to ou
Brandon: i dont know
me: what difference will it make
Brandon: i like to feel surprised it makes things better
me: yes, i should 'keep it to myself'
chris killen has mastered quote marks
i feel like i'm not doing it as good as him
Brandon: yes there is like a skill involved in that
me: how did he master it

bore parade has published drink and you'll feel fucking great (here is drink and you'll feel fucking great's last chapter and here is zachary german's eat when you feel sad's last chapter, 'haha')

medium-large link post

i wrote about my mom for time out new york

i read my mom's email on weird deer

i talk about 'the whale poem' in an interview

i recorded myself reading 'the whale poem' for a compilation cd put out by plan-it-x or chris johnston or chris johnston and his friend, i am not sure exactly and i am not sure how you can get the cd

cecilia corrigan interviewed me (i asked her a question after, see below)

me: what made you want to do leopard suits

Cecilia: i saw the picture... and i thought that it was a suit i'd like to wear a lot
and that the guy wearing it looked satisfied in a really deep way
like, something had clicked for him
i also really like the pose
because it's like, obviously not a real thing a leopard would do
but at the same time he's really expressing this sense of action, sort of "stalking" i guess, in a friendly way
i like to see how people react to things

[later]

me: the leopard thing is funny, i am luaging
laughing
Cecilia: oh, jared?
me: just all the photos
Cecilia: haha, yeah when i made them i was laughing a lot
it made me really happy

the declaration interviewed me (i didn't call david foster wallace an asshole like it appears in the interview, my 'yes' was in reference to something else, see below, which someone there edited to make it seem like i called david foster wallace an asshole; good job person)

Them: I once read a novel by a writer that said, ideally, books should be something you can read in one setting so that people don't get so bored.

So, then, David Foster Wallace is a huge asshole.

me: That is funny, yes, I think about people getting bored a lot.

i am in the urban dictionary

2nd/3rd edition news for bookstores

a 2nd edition of bed & a 3rd edition of eeeee eee eeee will be available mid-april

i think this post is accurate to what happens if you try to talk to me, i don't remember many things because i feel 'in the present' a lot of the time not because i'm 'enlightened' but because of other reasons, maybe because i'm feeling confused and distracted by what is happening currently or i'm repeatedly thinking about maybe at most four 'items' at one time which can include something i'm working on, certain people, or something like what exactly i should eat at what time and if you are not one of these 'up to four items' i will probably not remember anything about you without an amount of time to stop the other things to think about you; but i only focus on maybe two or three people at one time in my life so if you are a person who i talk to regularly i think i am reliable at remembering things about you

i remembered that i did eat dinner but i remembered after the conversation or near the end of the conversation and it was too late or something to start talking about it again

pre-order tao lin shirts

*update* pre-orders have ended, if you pre-ordered you will receive a shirt in an amount of time, thank you *update*

here are four shirts designed by ellen frances available for pre-order

to pre-order paypal binky.tabby [at] gmail.com $20 and specify which one you want (women's small, men's small/medium/large american apparel white/gray; clockwise 1, 2, 3, 4; gray exists for only 1, 2) and i will mail it by priority mail and include some magazine, book, chapbook, drawing, draft, or some other 'item' from one of the 'piles of shit' in my room (i will use flat-rate envelopes to mail); if you want to pay me more money i'll send more things



depending on how many get pre-ordered different things will happen, the people who pre-order now will fund the other ones that will be used for other things, i think, and my publisher will also fund something, or something, and then other things will be done, i'm being vague because i tried to think what to do exactly with this 'situation' and my brain stopped me and said things like 'i don't know, take pre-orders and then think about it later, all the factors won't something something something something pre-order something something something something wait until later something something'

thank you for your time and consideration

if you are a store and you want to order many shirts at one time i will give you a large discount; for canada and mexico add $5, for all other countries add $7

My poem in Abraham Lincoln issue #2

A City in Taiwan, A City in Pakistan, a Cave in Taiwan, a City in New York
(Abraham Lincoln; 'Review')

I was born with AIDS to a Nigerian mother
and a Chinese father
in the slums of Taiwan.
When I was sixteen in Pakistan

a pack of South Asian gerbils ate my arms and legs
when my mother and I were forced by poverty
caused by globalization
to sublet half our bed

to a pack of South Asian gerbils.
My mother died in the attack. Due to celebrity interest that month

in AIDS babies from South Asia
I was featured on CNN.
Within hours a famous writer adopted me
and dedicated to me an issue of his literary magazine
using the proceeds to fund a series of operations
designed to give me cybernetic arms and legs.
Four-hundred thousand dollars were raised

and I underwent twelve operations over three years.
Today I live in a studio apartment in Williamsburg
and spend most of my time watching music videos
on Youtube, masturbating idly

to internet porn, or laying in bed
thinking about the past
while listening to emotional guitar music

from the mid 90’s. Before Pakistan, before the cave
in the mountains, my parents and I worked
in the Taiwanese street market
operating ten to fifteen small pinball machines
awarding high scorers a choice of plastic sandals
plastic animal figurines, or bouncy balls.
We did not make enough money

to eat more than one meal a day
and often those parents
whose children played
the pinball machines
did not either. Sometimes

a limbless person would pull themselves
and a red wagon through the market for alms
with a leather strap in their mouth
and a piece of cardboard beneath their body.
They used their head as a hand

and their neck as an arm
to drag their bodies. Then due to the corruption of the Taiwanese government

combined with pressure from multinational corporations
to organize commerce into centralized shopping centers
and create space for parking lots
the night markets were banned.
My parents and I remained

in the city eating from the garbage at night
and begging for money in the daytime.
One night my father was hit by a bus
and died in the street. A few weeks later my mother put me in a backpack.

I want to type about that poem. I just stared at the computer screen for about twenty seconds. I still want to type about that poem, I am having problems accessing some information that I need in order to type about that poem, the information that I want to type about that poem. I don't know. I am having "major problems" right now with my brain.

Columbia University emailed me about a week ago.

Dear Mr. Tao Lin,

[...] For APAAM, we organize a series of exciting and educational events concerning Asian Americans in the month of April. This spring, the theme for APAAM is unscripted. We decided upon unscripted because it refers to the unlimited definitions of Asian Americans, regardless of what media puts forth. With such power, we as individuals of the Asian American community still hold the pen to determine our own roles on the great stage, the world.

We are interested in hearing about your struggle with the Asian American ?identity crisis,? consisting of topics of what it means to be an Asian American along with the baggage that follows this identity and how you expressed them in your novels, such as "EEEEE EEE EEEE" and "Bed". We plan to reserve time for questions from students. The proposed date is the evening of April 30th, 6:00 to 10:00pm. We look forward to your performance on our stage.

I post that because I laughed when I sent it to someone and they said they laughed also. I did not feel bad laughing. I felt like I was laughing at something in a Kurt Vonnegut novel or something. There is no hatred, judgement, or qualification when I laugh at something. Actually I never feel "hatred" or "anger" that is unsarcastic for more than a few seconds on average maybe (the few seconds that I am not self-aware or enough aware to acknowledge certain things about the nature of being and existence). That time lessened, I think, as I wrote (and read) more professional 20-page short stories (Lorrie Moore & Joy Williams) about human beings doing things and feeling emotions in an arbitrary universe. I am being honest right now.

I want to show my "blogging process." Below is a gmail chat that happened while I was "creating" this post. I feel a little confident in my choice of posting this gmail chat. I still feel a little nervous or something but I think out of the three main things in this post I feel most confident in posting this thing.

me: i am posting double post
abraham lincoln + asian america
they fit together
alex: that works
me: sould i post my response
alex: if you want to
me: would you do it
alex: depends which college
me: columbia university
alex: if it was a big very important one, probably not
is that big and important?
me: i think
i mean, as a raeder, would you rather read the post with my response or not
alex: yes
i would
me: hm ok
i sound like an ass in my response though
alex: if you do not want to post it, then do not post it
me: but i'm not sure
alex: maybe dont post it at first, and then if people ask what you said, then tell them?
me: that sounds like a good idea
alex: in your post, allude to how you responded but dont tell how
me: to get more hits

I wonder if this post will damage my chances at achieving "steady cash flow with no real job" or else somehow destroy my writing career and personal relationships. I know there is a chance of that happening anytime I do something on the internet.

new bore parade book

mike bushnell rewrote all of you are a little bit happier than i am then lost half of it then posted the other half and i like it a lot and i want to say 'good job'; it is sometimes i am a little bit happier than tao lin (bore parade, 2008)

i like i did nothing today and i wanted a lot and i have started a band and you are in it and i am employed and i honestly know who this poem is directed at and i wrote it with conviction and ease

he also interviewed me and after i typed the answers i forgot to attach them in the email and i left the library and the interview got deleted by the library but i retyped it and i like it

i think i like this kind of thing a lot and would like to see more of it, someone should take a bear parade book and copy and paste it into a word file and use it to write a new book (or just take mine, i don't want to 'assume' or 'infringe' on the other peoples' 'rights'), i think i already blogged about this before and also brandon scott gorrell's night owl (see sidebar) is an 'out of control' example of this

overall i think this kind of thing makes abstractions like 'identity' and 'ownership' less 'powerful' and turns people into zen buddhists more and makes people more aware of the transitory and arbitrary and somehow 'abstract' nature of existence or something in the same way a joy williams short story (or probably any other writing that i 'like') does sort of to me; overall i think it is funny and feels 'far away' from things like unsarcastic shit-talking or basing choices on abstractions instead of concrete reality or being violent or hating people (none of these things are 'good' or 'bad' but things i 'feel' and sometimes 'like' and 'want'; i am enlightened)

promote my career for me

here are some things you can do for me

1. review my books on amazon; in the review tell them they can buy the books from independent places and link to this page; the reviews should be funny and readable and it is not required the books be mentioned, only that you give the book 5 stars

2. blog about my books even if you hate me; hatred moves units, it distracts from existential despair and loneliness when people type a lot of abstractions to try to defeat someone else's likes and dislikes, and people get 'addicted' to that, and it will not lead to violence since it is on the internet, and on blogs, and about books, so i think it is okay (this is what happens in the major print media like new york times, new york review of books, n+1, etc., except if you do it for me you can have at least some self-awareness of what i just typed about the function of this)

3. give my wikipedia page a 'contents' box to make it seem more professional and think of ways how i can get linked on boing boing or similar sites, they get something like 100 times more hits than gawker, i need to 'move beyond' gawker maybe

4. create 'inside jokes' with friends where you just keep saying my name or 'invoking my existence' somehow in a way that is pointless and then becomes funny; for some reason this works, if you keep talking about one person who you don't know at all, or only know a little, eventually it will become 'fun,' i don't know, maybe this only works for some people and maybe it won't work on me since i'm publicly self-aware or something

5. *long term* if you are in high school right now go to college, major in journalism, get internships at professional places, work very hard, get a position at the new yorker or something and network a lot then leave and start your own thing and write about me *long term*

i can't really think of anything else that can be done

things will be done

i would like a large amount of people that i don't want to communicate with, don't want to think about or acknowledge, and don't already know to promote my career very hard for me, so that i can socialize half the day if i want to and sometimes lay in bed when i wake in the afternoon and listen to music for two hours or read a book sometimes and still have large amounts of time every day to focus on my novel (5-7 uninterrupted hours); with a steady cash flow i will focus more on projects and things that contribute to projects

this is like a fellowship or grant but i'm being direct

this is like an honest version of the guggenheim that also eliminates the money and application parts of it, which makes me generally 'good' in your view, since you are probably 'against' capitalism and having to apply for things (applications lead to choices based not on concrete reality but on abstractions like race, etc., maybe)

read intern #108's blog, i like it

thank you for promoting my career for me

leftover crack in red hook

i have edited the story 'cull the steel heart...' from bed and posted it here

this is now the official version of the story, i disown the book version; i am glad i edited a lot of shit out of the story and disowned the longer version, my life has improved; i am being serious right now

be my myspace friend; i want 20,000 friends

poetry reading at a gallery april 3rd, 7 p.m.

it is at max protetch which seems very professional and it is with joshua beckman whose poetry i think is very professional (read a joshua beckman poem), i feel like this will be a very professional reading

i feel like i can apply the word 'professional' to anything and have it be true; an obese homeless man passed out drunk in front of mcdonald's on broadway is very professional, i honestly think that is true; i also 'feel' professional at almost all times, i think; i'm not sure if that is at all true, that i feel professional most of the time, i don't know; i feel 'desperate' urges to keep typing statements about professionalism, what is and what is not professional; i think professionalism is very strange in a way that is 'troubling' somehow and it is making me feel worried and insane

it feels like professionalism is 'the secret of the universe,' like if this was a science fiction conspiracy movie will smith would go through a lot of obstacles and then open a door 100 miles below the earth's crust and see aliens manipulating tom hank's level of professionalism, by changing his clothing or hairstyle or the lighting of his surroundings, in order to distort the quantum and physical laws of the atoms in the universe; will smith would crush the aliens in a short action sequence and then restore tom hank's original level of professionalism in a 'light-hearted' montage and then gravity would go back to normal levels, i think it would be a comedy more than a science fiction conspiracy

ANP Quarterly

I have a long interview in the next ANP Quarterly (issue ten). Ethan Swan interviewed me, it is around 10,000 words. I think he will edit it some. ANP Quarterly publishes long interviews. I just reread the interview in my gmail account. We did it on gmail chat. While rereading it I thought, "I can use this interview finally maybe to send to people as a response whenever they ask me a question about morals or corporations or abstractions or a lot of other things or when they try to fight me about something." I am glad Ethan Swan interviewed me. Thank you Ethan Swan. He asked questions that I have asked myself or thought about before a lot. While doing the interview I thought about him and saw him sitting at his computer with a concentrating facial expression and sometimes an interested facial expression. Sometimes I saw him eating something or doing other things, I am not sure what I saw exactly. I think sometimes I saw him with a bored or indifferent facial expression, bored not because of the interview but because of feeling indifferent about life or something. If I saw that I think I was just seeing myself. He asked about the bands I Hate Myself and Jawbreaker and Saves the Day. At the end I started talking about hamsters, I typed "five million hamsters" at one point. I think I made some okay jokes in this interview.

After a few months I thought something happened and they didn't want to publish the interview anymore because I saw that I was not in issue nine. I thought this partly because I gave one other interview to some other place and I am not sure if they ever used the interview. They said I would be paid money and I was not paid money. I'm not 100% sure I was not paid money. Maybe I was and I deposited the check but forgot. The interview was supposed to come out in December. I thought that maybe ANP Quarterly "also" didn't like me anymore and didn't want to print my interview. I saw that Harmony Korine was in issue nine and maybe they replaced me with him. I accepted this but I also emailed Ethan Swan asking about photographers he had (a few months ago) said would take pictures of me and he responded to my email and then the co-editor Brendan Fowler emailed saying Peter Sutherland would photograph me.

I want to type about Peter Sutherland because while we were walking we started talking about hits and Gawker and I know he has statcounter or a kind of statcounter. It will be "fun" if I link him and he looks at statcounter and sees the hits I am "giving" him. Thoughts will be processed, it feels fun. He will make a facial expression maybe. When he was taking my photo we walked by a playground and I went on the swings and at one point I was "using" a neutral facial expression while swinging very hard. I had seen Peter Sutherland's website and saw that his photographs had people with neutral facial expressions in them and I said I liked that and he said that he liked that also. Sometimes when I tried to have a neutral facial expression he said I actually looked "pissed off." He said he worked at Angelica Kitchen I think seven years ago.

There is a one-page thing in the current issue of Nylon Guys about me. Mallory Rice wrote it. I don't have it scanned but Ellen Frances put it into a montage, you can see it there.

I have a story in the current Noon that isn't anywhere else, I have the issue, it has around 60 pages of Clancy Martin's novel that is coming out called "How to Sell." Clancy Martin has a two-hour video on the internet of him debating "does God exist." Deb Olin Unferth and Lydia Davis are also in this issue.

Travis Nichols interviewed me on gmail chat for Paste Magazine. We talked about the famous freegan who was on The View, I think his name is Adam. The issue will be out in April.

I like this story by Brandon Scott Gorrell.

I typed for the back-cover of my next poetry book, "In Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy a 23-year-old person attempts to explain to himself the possible origins, ends, and cures of anger, worry, despair, obsession, and confusion while concurrently experiencing those things in the context of a romantic relationship, a book of poetry, and the arbitrary nature of the universe."

The Mississippi Review updated their website. I'm in issue 35/3 and I think 34/1&2. I like the Mississippi Review. Frederick Barthelme is the editor, I've read almost all his books. Mary Robison used to edit also, I've read almost all her books. I like their books. I maybe like most Two Against One and Why Did I Ever.

You can read a lot of what they have published since 1995 on this page. There is an essay by Gary Percesepe that talks about "minimalism," a story by Curtis Sittenfeld I like a lot that she wrote when she was I think 20 or 21 or 22, these two things by me, and other things.

*Mutiple Perspectives* Reading in Kansas *Mutiple Perspectives*

Deb Olin Unferth and I read in Kansas 2/24/08.
After the reading I typed what happened (#4 below).
Then Robert J. Baumann typed what happened.
Then Gabe Holcombe typed what happened.
Then Anne Boyer typed what happened.
Then An Intern typed what happened.
Then Deb Olin Unferth typed what happened (#3 below).
Then Stephen Daniel Lewis typed what happened.
Then Colin Bassett typed what happened.
Then Brandon Scott Gorrell typed what happened.
Then David Ohle typed what happened (#2 below).
Then Clancy Martin typed what happened (#1 below).
Then Chloe Jones typed what happened.

1. CLANCY MARTIN TYPES ABOUT THE READING

Deb's duplex was crowded. I couldn't tell the average age of her grad students, but they seemed happy and interested. I wanted a drink. It did not seem that anyone was drinking excessively. I ate a carrot or some other piece of fruit or vegetable from the vegetable tray and then, I think, a few crackers. Tao was handsome and shy. Deb looked nervous. I walked around her apartment and asked her what she was reading. We talked for a minute about TROUTFISHING IN AMERICA, and then about some other book. I was thinking about Paul and Jane Bowles, like I always seem to when I am around Deb, Idon't know why exactly, I suppose because she has spent all of this time in Central America, and her writing reminds me of Bowles, and I asked her if she had ever read that essay about PB by Gore Vidal. Then we both felt our conversation was becoming silly, too much about books, so we hurried away and joined the others and tried to get Tao to talk about his work, which he wouldn't, naturally. Then we all drove over to India Palace. There I was the one who tried to make poor Tao sit in the middle so he could be fed to the Christians but he wouldn't. I ordered a vegetarian dish because I had gathered somehow that Tao was a vegetarian and so I thought we should maximize vegetarian dishes. Yes, we all talked about pneumonia, because Deb has pneumonia, though she is recovering, and as we talked it turns out that many writers have had pneumonia, perhaps because of Thomas Mann and Kafka, or perhaps because we don't exercise enough. I didn't find out if Tao had once had pneumonia. He looks very healthy but one could imagine himtubercular, especially if he were German. Whenever possible I turned the conversation to the always delightful subject of ME. The food was excellent, especially, I think, the okra. Tao was quiet and not easily drawn out. I thought about the reading, I was eager to see Tao and Deb together, and eager to hear Deb's students laughing at her story. It is nice to see how they look at her. I thought about a recent reading by Diane Williams in Kansas City, the drama of her reading, and how confused my own students were by her work. I thought it was puzzling and painful that neither Tao nor Deb wanted a drink before reading. How do people do it, I wondered. I looked at them both to try and see inside them, to see if they were taking any secret medications. Then we walked to the reading and I bid $50 on a Tao t-shirt, which I hope I won though I still haven't heard, and if I did and somebody who knows that I won reads this please contact me so I can pay for my shirt and own and wear it. I don't know if t-shirts are common at readings because this was only the fourth reading I have been to but it seemed like an excellent idea and also somehow very Tao Lin, though I don't know if he had anything to do with it. I wanted to buy a couple of Tao's books while I had the chance and have him sign them and ideally draw a picture in them for me. Then, unexpectedly, I had to leave.

2. DAVID OHLE TYPES ABOUT THE READING

How come nobody invited me to the bar? I had to go home like a stinker and sulk. Just kidding. There were no bar intentions when I left. Just plans to go eat leftovers broccoli and salsa (gag). Is Motorman a harder word to remember, I wonder, than Bed, or 3rd Bed? I was always afraid of two things -- wearing a Halloween costume and blogging. Now I'm afraid of Tao Lin/Deb Unferth readings. I had to sit on the floor it was so crowded. A young person kindly offered me his chair. I said no thanks, He said, "But I'm young." BFD, I thought. I used to be, too. My legs did stiffen a bit sitting like that. When it was all over I went back for some cheese and wine. There was wine, but I didn't see any cheese. I was in the mood for some emmenthaler on a cracker, maybe some hummus and Bible bread. Well, the reading was free and entertaining and the wine wasn't bad, a bit too red and thick for my taste, but free is a small price to pay. And luckily I knew who Dakota Fanning (or is it Fanny?) and Haley (James?) Osmond were or I couldn't have followed Tao Lin's story at all. He's quite a fast reader and I'm a slow thinker.

3. DEB OLIN UNFERTH TYPES ABOUT THE READING

Here's one event: Tao was hungry after the reading and came into my house for leftovers. He said he'd take some food to go. He swept a plate of small broccoli pieces into his arm. Then he wanted to take the salsa. I poured some into a plastic container for him. He said he didn't want chips. He said he would just eat the salsa. I insisted he take chips and he put them on top of the salsa. I'm not sure where the broccoli was at that point. Then he took a piece of carrot cake and put it into the salsa. Then he left.

Something Tao said: I would live here. He was referring to Kansas, I think. Unless he was referring to my house, which is where he was when he said it. Or he may have been referring to the green chair in the corner that he was sitting in when he said it, as in: This chair, I would live on it.

My overall evaluation of the event: the best part was the people.

4. TAO LIN TYPES ABOUT THE READING

I got off the plane and Robert met me and his friend Gabe and we got in Robert's car. Gabe said something about "Deez Nuts" jokes and said something about something and it was funny and then later said something else on the same topic and it was funny again. There was a trailer thing with an expanded thing and it looked like a thing someone lived in and some funny things were said. We drove in the wrong direction. Robert had some books in his bag and I looked at them and I looked at an entire book and didn't like it. I liked another book but I didn't like it that much. In the car I texted Ellen Frances who was going to come with me but had a work meeting and I sent her photos and we talked about her mom who was coming to my reading. We talked about the Get Up Kids who are from Lawrence. Later I talked about the Get Up Kids to Robert and Gabe. Robert at one point said, "The Hold Steady," and laughed in a way I thought was funny. We walked on Massachusetts street. An obese man who looked like Santa Claus was very angry at a car that drove on the street and he yelled something. I said the town should play the Get Up Kids on giant speakers in the city. Gabe said I should bring that up at the next city council meeting. I said I would. We drove to a house and there was a lot of vegan food and graduate students. Deb Olin Unferth showed me her house. It was a two-story house. I saw a lot of books and said, "How did you get all those books here?" There was some confusion. We walked into the main party area. Deb's first novel is forthcoming from McSweeney's. There was a vegan carrot cake and vegan pumpkin cake things and other vegan cake things on the table. We had gone to a juice place and I had had 24 ounces of beet, carrot, celery, and cucumber juice and I felt healthy and I did not want to eat any cake but eventually I ate almost half the carrot cake, a few pieces of the squash vegan thing, some crackers. More people came and brought more food. I ate a lot of grapes. Clancy Martin and Deb talked about the next issue of NOON and I wanted to read it and they talked about one story that was in an old NOON and Clancy said something about three levels of irony and I remembered reading in his introduction of his translation of "Thus Spake..." by Nietzsche that he had said something about Nietzsche being really sarcastic or something. Clancy's first novel is forthcoming from FSG. When Clancy sat by me he said, "The famous Tao Lin." Later we learned that Clancy was soon going to be the most famous person any of us knew probably and we felt excited about this. We sat and talked and stood and talked and we went to an Indian restaurant and I ate more food and ate some other people's food. People did not finish their food. We listened to Clancy Martin talk about a story about pneumonia because someone had pneumonia and then Anne Boyer said a pneumonia story. Both pneumonia stories sounded like made-up stories but I knew they were true. They tried to get me to sit nearer the middle of the table but I sat on the end. I made "garnish" for my water glass and Deb said she wanted one also and I made one for her. Anne said h