'cognitive-behavioral therapy' 'launch party' movie
this is a mumblecore movie, someone add it to the wikipedia page
rated r for explicit language and adult themes
mike bushnell throws zachary german over his shoulder in the movie onto the ground and zachary stands up saying 'i'm gay, i'm gay, i like men' (go to the vimeo page for a complete summary and 'table of contents' and to view it 'full screen')
'is greater than' interviewed me for a feature called 'the asian market'
2:46 AM
16 Comments:
dvd
i have money. I succesfully defeated the bank with rational arguments and pitiful complaining. how do i pay you by pay pal? also i believe that i have succesfully added to your 'oversea sales' by 3 units. You should make me an intern.
I watched that video alone at midnight and was frightened.
what do you think of this: http://www.ubu.com/film/trecartin_area.html
it is funny and sarcastic in places i think. i like it all.
dumb
hi tom, you can be an intern
you can paypal binky.tabby [at] gmail.com, go to paypal.com
email me your address and things
it says i can't connect to the server
really liked the movie. 'two thumbs up' or something.
i like 'i-be area'. i like it more than this movie.
i was reading cognitive behavioral therapy again today and i made a decision that "are you okay" is probably my favorite
i feel too sure of myself about this
i hope the release was fun
this movie was fine also i'm nervous that my comment sounded mean.
i went to border's with 6 books to return and a list of books i wanted to buy with the gift card and the guy went to return them and then came back and said three of them were bought over a year ago and couldn't be returned and that they didn't carry the kelly link book anymore and that the two that could be returned had been discounted and couldn't be given the original price as credit. i said i would take the credit for the two books anyway and then i went to look for the books i wanted but they didn't have any so i thought 'i guess i should just buy tao's book' so i bought cognitive behavioral therapy with $17 in credit from 'the dead fish museum' by charles d'ambrosio and 'all aunt hagar's children' by edward p. jones. i felt really depressed and then read your book while watching 'fitzcarraldo' at the same time with zachary german.
tao lin, you have a job, that's a start
this reminded me of the ending of 'don't look back'
have someone make a professional documentary of your book tour
it could be a mumblecore success at film festivals
here is the unedited interview with will:
Will: HI Tao. I'm in Chicago. Sorry about the confusion.
me: it's ok
i'm ready now
Will: Great. How are you?
me: i'm good
11:33 AM
Will: So when did cognitive-behavioral therapy actually come out? Your blog says May 15, but it's already out, right?
me: the official date is may 15
so may 15
it's available in some stores now
Will: Oh, okay.
11:34 AM
Is being an Asian artist something you think about?
me: No.
Will: Why not?
11:35 AM
me: I don't think about being "Asian" or being an "Artist." I don't know. Because they're abstractions I guess.
Will: Does your heritage play a role in how you want to be perceived?
11:37 AM
me: No. I want to be perceived as "That is someone whose book I want to buy so he can get a 'steady cash flow.'" And "That is someone who is the same as me, I would like to meet him and be his friend."
Will: So do you ever think about your writing as art? Do you ever set out to go somewhere with it and are you just writing, simply put?
11:39 AM
me: I think about everything as "art." I have thought about the universe, and concluded some things. Those things make me want to view everything as "art." I feel okay about this. Everything to me, maybe, is "art," meaning there is no rhetoric that is not sarcastic, ever, in my life, currently.
11:40 AM
Will: Do you have a plan for yourself? Do you try not to think in terms of such structure?
11:42 AM
me: I have vague plans to achieve a "steady cash flow" so I can not have a real job. To get into some kind of relationship, with another person, that I'll feel good about. And to finish the novel I'm working on.
11:43 AM
Will: Will this sarcastic rhetoric ever end, do you think? Will sarcasm, for you, stop being an emotion one day and you'll back on it as a phase?
11:46 AM
me: Probably. "Faith" or "complete 'belief' in something" seems to be more effective, as a tone, for one's life, for being productive, and I seem to want to be productive, so maybe. But it just depends how "far" you want to view it. From another perspective it could be viewed that my rhetoric is "sarcastic rhetoric is 'true' rhetoric from the point of view of everything" or something, and that would be a non-sarcastic worldview. I think about myself and I change a little every few months and like a lot every few years, so I don't know. Probably I will change.
11:48 AM
Will: I read a quote from you recently in which you said you think in terms of whether or not you're productive. Does that still hold up today?
11:51 AM
me: Mostly it does, I think. I feel meaningless a lot of the time, there seems to be almost no other way to "judge" whether I "should" at any moment "feel good" or "feel bad." I think, based on that, I've internalized that I should feel good if I have been productive, and bad if I have not been productive. I like reading about things that make the universe seem meaningless and make me feel meaningless but I feel bad if I "match" that and just "lay around" all the time. I like making things that make me feel "new kinds" of meaninglessness. Maybe I'm productive at creating varieties of meaninglessness so I can "screw around" in meaninglessness and have fun with it or something.
11:52 AM
Will: If you were forced to get a real job — in a cubicle, I guess — would that make you feel more meaningless?
11:55 AM
me: No, probably not. I might feel less meaningless, I would be thinking about how to exploit my desk job to fund other things a lot of the time maybe. Actually I think I only feel meaningless sometimes. Most of the time I feel other things, sometimes I feel "nothing" or something. I know I feel meaningless sometimes because I'm on gmail chat and I type to people, "I feel meaningless." Most of the time I type, "I feel okay," and it seems "true enough."
11:56 AM
Will: So is staying creative a component of accomplishment for you — whether it's creativity in writing or creativity to how you can exploit a situation to satisfy other means?
11:58 AM
me: Creativity relieves boredom and distracts from meaninglessness and other things like "feeling bad." I like creativity, I think. I don't know what else to say about creativity.
11:59 AM
Will: Do you set out to be absurd or consciously wacky?
5 minutes
12:04 PM
me: No. I feel "completely honest" and "direct" about almost everything I've published in a book. It was hard to be "wacky" and "absurd" when I was spending almost every day alone in the library then walking home alone and laying on my bed feeling bad. I do try to make everything I write either "interesting" or "funny" in some way, but I don't put that over being "direct" and "honest." But it's not "completely honest" I guess because "unfiltered" my thoughts would be like, "I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad. Bagels. Hummus. I want the burger at Counter. Dirty choads. I feel dirty. I feel bad. Mansion." That's not even completely honest. A lot of the time I'm thinking really bad words consecutively in my head without any meaning or emotion. If I feel bad though I don't want to just type "I feel bad" partly because it would be "burdening" someone else with feelings of wanting to "help me." I don't want to make anyone have feelings of needing to help me or wanting to help me.
12:06 PM
Will: So what are you thinking might make you feel better? A new relationship? More writing? Making more connections with people? Or maybe more seclusion?
12:08 PM
me: I don't know. I don't think I feel any "worse" than anyone else. Or rather I don't think that is a question I ever want to think about. I don't like people trying to convince other people that they feel worse them or have had a worse life or something. I think that means I want everyone to "live in the present" or something. I don't feel "bad" overall I guess. I feel "something" or something. I think I can say for sure that some things will make me "feel good" in the short-term like eating something or getting a certain email or something.
12:09 PM
[worse than them]
Will: Do you prefer to think in the short term? Does in bother you to think about the future and how you might feel then?
[it]
12:12 PM
me: Based on what I publish and talk about on my blog I prefer to think in the long term. But probably most of the time I am thinking in the short term (1 hour - 1 week). I think I'd probably feel better most of the time if I thought about the long-term. I feel 5% confidence that that sentence is true, I don't know, I feel "stupid." I've become less willing to make declarative sentences over time. I feel like if I "let myself" I could "go insane" in 5-10 years.
12:13 PM
Will: Would that be a good or bad thing, going insane?
12:14 PM
me: I don't want to go insane right now. It depends on whose perspective. If someone doesn't like me or want me to keep writing they will think it's "good" if I go insane. I'm "not ready" to assume that that isn't a "valid" perspective, someone who hates my writing.
12:15 PM
Will: Do you ever feel like you're getting away with something? When you write a bunch of poems and someone publishes them and send out all of these copies into the masses and people and go onto amazon and buy them and read them, do you ever feel like you're getting away with something?
12:16 PM
[can, not and]
12:17 PM
me: Yes. I have felt that before a lot of times. I felt that sometimes about my first novel's title, "Eeeee Eee Eeee." And about some stories I have published, the one I have on Nerve.com and maybe the one I have in Vice that was mostly just an email I sent to someone about shoplifting from American Apparel. I like that feeling. I'm 3 AM Magazine's poetry editor and I published some things where I felt like I was helping the author feel like they were "getting away with something."
12:18 PM
Will: Do you like the feeling?
me: Yes. [it says "I like that feeling" in the answer]
12:19 PM
Will: You're quite right. How stupid of me.
me: [it's okay]
12:20 PM
Will: So how often do you write something and look at it and just know that it is for you? How often do you think, "I will never get this published. I will never try to?"
12:21 PM
me: I feel like I can get anything I write published, if I think it is something that I want published. Yes, anything I want published I feel like I can get published. If I want it published quickly and for no money I publish it on my blog.
12:22 PM
Will: So do you have an urge to let people know what's on your mind? Is that why you keep the blog?
12:26 PM
me: The blog makes me feel less alone, it helps me do things that will make me feel excited, it "connects" me to other people, it "maintains" sales of my books, and it's "something to do." There are probably more reasons. I usually don't have an urge to let people know what I am thinking though. I am thinking things like "I want to eat the burger at Counter." Or meaningless things like "choad ass hos" or "shiny muffins" or something. Counter is an organic vegetarian restaurant in Manhattan.
12:27 PM
Will: Thanks for the clarification.
Before we run out of time, can you tell me what your new book is about, the one you're writing now?
12:29 PM
me: It is about two people in a relationship. They start the relationship, then there are scenes about the relationship, it is linear, and then the relationship is over. It has a lot of gmail chats in it. The main characters are Haley Joel Osment and Dakota Fanning.
12:30 PM
Will: Brief. Thank you.
12:31 PM
Thank you also for talking to me today. Portions of what was typed here will appear on Is Greater Than next week. I will send you an e-mail when the story goes up. And I wanted to let you know that yesterday I bought a copy of cognitive-behavioral therapy and so I hope it helps you with your steady cash flow.
12:32 PM
me: Thank you.
Do you have my first poetry book? I'll send it to you if you don't.
Will: I don't actually. I would like it very much.
me: okay. email me your address.
thank you. i am going to go to work now.
i liked the interview
bye
12:33 PM
Will: I will. Additionally, if you have a high-res image of yourself you could e-mail to me for the story, I would like it very much.
Thanks again.
daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn, will, i hope interviwing is not your profession, if it is, seek employment else where, anywhere, here is a link to a job i think you could handle...
http://www.wendys.com/careers/
this video confused me
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